The Rules of Dating: From a Girl's View

With Valentine's day coming up.. I thought this would be a great subject to talk about, dating.

Dating is like being interviewed. You are courting a person with social activities with the aim of assessing if the other is suitable for partnership. As kids in high school, dating is about having fun, and think its "cool" to have a boyfriend, or girlfriend. As we grow older, we come to find ourselves looking for more than that, a companionship, a lifetime best friend. Someone that can match most, if not all, our ideal wants and needs in a person. We also must realize that we can't obtain that "perfect" person, because we all have our faults. So expect don't expect so much of them but also don't give up on that ideal person because its what makes us narrow down to that potential person.

The first date is where a guy should leave a big impression, that's if he want to continue to date her.  Doesn't mean expensive dinner, or burning a hole in your wallet. Just means be yourself, but don't go overboard. She is grading you, so you either pass in hopes of another date, or you fail and aren't even considered for the next date. Guys will also do the same, so if things don't work out, nothing wrong with that! Gives more options and more dates to explore and find the person just for you.

Tip: A woman loves it when the guy plans the date and doesn't tell them, if you do choose to keep it a surprise.. make it worth their while or will cost him a few points.

The one thing about having a boyfriend/girlfriend is that it limits ourselves to that one person in dating. I don't recommend steady dating til you are sure they have that potential of being the person you want/need in your life. Steady dating is one of the last steps. So don't limit yourself, being single only provides you with more opportunities and meeting new people and making friends even if things don't work out. Its about making a connection.

The first date should also be about respect. Meaning don't do something as simple as touching her/him if no "invitation" is given. It needs be about getting to know them as a person and not about sexual/physical touch. Like I said before, its an interview. If they don't give any "signal" as to allow you to do something, DON'T DO IT! It will lower your "grade". I know its hard to understand these signals, so if you try something and either he or she becomes uncomfortable, obviously stop and refrain from doing it again.

Personally I think anything physical/sexual should be put off til possibly the second or third date, depending on how BOTH feel they should progress. Give them their personal space. If you want a relationship to last, then this is a must! Have fun, don't expect anything to happen on the first date. Things take time, take it slow. I've learned rushing things ruin it, but go to slow and they might move on. Again, this is how both feel on what what pace they want to go at.

Another thing to look out for is age, yes it DOES matter. If your dating someone older, they have more experience and have been dating longer than you so they may have different expectations then you and its very hard to find a compromise. I highly recommend someone who is around the same age, I'm talking at least 1-2 years older is o.k., or 1-2 years younger. Although.. I suggest woman date older then younger since younger males can be a bit more... immature since a female's brains develop quicker compared to a male's mind. Older men, or woman may view things different as to what is o.k. to do on a date then their younger companion. So keep it within a reasonable age limit, but its also based on personal preference.

I wished dating was like it is in the movie, Pride and Prejudice, starring Keira Knightly, and Matthew Macfadyen. It was all about impressing the girl, and the small things that make the biggest difference, it makes it sweeter, and shows a lot of respect for woman. That is my ideal way to date. We all have different ideas, even if you don't agree its still a wonderful movie.

I know I contradict a lot of what I say with another thing but honestly dating is really up to you as a person and your views. I'm trying to suggest things as well as keep and open mind on different situations that could occur. Like always, this is my suggested opinions, you can choose to agree or disagree. That's the beauty of being able to form our own opinions.

Harrassment: Where To Draw the Line

There is a very fine line between being friendly, and tooo friendly... but question is, where do we draw that line? When do we know when its harassment? Its hard to understand and recognize right away, never always easy. Some its harder than others because to them its ok in their mind. But it is NEVER ok. If someone is harassing you, and you do nothing, its signaling to them that its ok, that they CAN be rude to you and anyone else. Their actions aren't bad, when truly, they are. One thing always leads to another, and another... to where you fall blind to it, resulting in being hurt in some form. This can cause mental and emotional confusion and instability in ourselves, becoming socially awkward. You may think, "Oh this will never happen to me", you are wrong... dead wrong.  It effects us, even in the slightest ways.

The definition of harassment is..."Harassment covers a wide range of behaviors of an offensive nature. It is commonly understood as behavior intended to disturb or upset, and it is characteristically repetitive. In the legal sense, it is intentional behavior which is found threatening or disturbing. Sexual Harassment refers to persistent and unwanted sexual advances, typically in the workplace, where the consequences of refusing are potentially very disadvantageous to the victim." (resources: Wikipedia)

A person who has offended someone at least once, will offend again. To them, its acceptable because no one has corrected their behaviors, so in their mind set, nothing is wrong. They don't think they are bothering anyone unless you tell them no, and be rude about it. Lets them know that what they are doing is wrong and they find a different route, but not always. You always have the right to be rude if they are being rude.


If you  have just met a person whether it be in a doctors office, grocery store, or wherever (male or female) always be cautious. Don't trust them right away no matter how friendly they seem, be polite at first, never know if they are just  being friendly. Not everyone will sense if there is something wrong with the person right away, it takes practice to notice and understand this internal "warning device", aka intuition. Conversation isn't a bad thing.. but if they take it too far, then let them know its not acceptable.  If they ask personal information just decline and let them know that your not ok with disclosing that information, I mean,... you did JUST meet this person. Just be careful.

If they insist on talking about personal information or invading your personal space, THIS IS A RED FLAG FOR ANYONE! Invading your personal space is NOT ACCEPTABLE! This is considered being tooo friendly.  This includes hugging, and unwanted touching, if this does happen, you have every right to be rude and to get them to back off and leave you alone. If you let them do this, they think its ok with you, that YOU WANT to. This is the part where if they get to be rude and think they can do what they want,but if your rude back, it will show that its not ok with you. Set up some boundaries. Also include unwanted flirting. I wouldn't let anyone close to me after knowing them for a quite some time, or get a general idea of what their intentions are.

Like I said, not everyone will realize whats really going on, before its to late. It happened to me recently actually and I honestly didn't know what to do. They are out there, they are like predators waiting on their next prey. Those are the two major signs.  Sadly there is no certain age, but it works for all ages. Most start about 16 + but I honestly don't know. It happens in this country as well as the other countries in this world. If we can start by see the signs and knowing what to look out for, we can protect ourselves and others from becoming victims of sexual and verbal harassment, or worse things lead by these actions. I only posted some of what I experienced. If you have more to add or suggest ways to recognize this, do share!

As always, this is my opinion, one I am in titled to as well as everyone is in titled to their own.